D Melting Pot

I decided to clean the entire apartment today by the following (in order of importance):

1. I am a neat person and the place was getting out of hand
2. My parents are due to arrive in NY tonight
3. I was in a good mood and had the time

After completion I proceeded to write my room mates a 3 page letter. It contained the following:

Hey Guys,

While you were gone I had some spare time and noticed the place was in a mess so I decided to Spring Clean as they would say:

• Washed all Dishes
• Cleaned Stove
• Reorganized and Cleaned Fridge
• Bathroom, Toilet, Shower, Mirrors
• Cleaned all Windows
• Swept all rooms
• Mopped all rooms + bathroom with bleach
• Made up beds
• Reorganized Living Room
• Cleaned/Organized Desks
• Reorganized all cupboards

The reason I did all this is because I want to show you guys that I’m concerned about the space we live in, not just my section but the entire space since it affects all of us. I look at you guys like younger brothers; as such I wanted to teach you responsibility and cleanliness through positive reinforcement.

I noticed a few days before you all left that the sink was full of dishes so I made the effort to wash them all. I know it’s hard to wash a plate or glass when the sink is so full because the fossit can’t reach et al. Washing them didn’t bother me, it’s somewhat therapeutic in fact to take time and clean something…gives you a sense of fulfillment that you’ve done some good…not only for yourself but others as well.

What did bother me however was no more than a couple days later the sink was full of dishes once again. I thought to myself, “If everyone would just wash their dishes we wouldn’t have to deal with this mess so often.” I mentally refused to wash the dishes as I hadn’t made the mess. I thought to myself I will faster put the dishes in the tub or in everyone’s room before I wash them so people start being proactive about cleanliness around here. In this way EVERYONE would be affected and would start pulling their weight.

As the days went by with everyone gone for Spring Break I was alone in 1706. I started cleaning my room because my parents would be coming in a few days. A few days had passed and the dishes began to smell really bad so I was forced to wash them once again. It just wouldn’t be acceptable to have my parents or a friend here with the kitchen and living room in such a smelly mess. One thing led to another and I found myself reorganizing the cupboards, sweeping the living room, the bedroom and so forth until I decided that I was going to spring clean the entire apartment.

I believe that anything worth doing is worth doing well. I believe in taking pride in anything I do and leading by example. With that said I expect you to maintain the clean environment which I have procured for us today. Let me repeat: irrespective of tennis, the gym, class, studies, going out, eating, drinking, shitting, and sleeping I expect you to maintain the clean environment which I have so thoughtfully provided for all of us.

I didn’t have to do any of this, but did because I wanted to set an example. I wanted to show you guys that if you put in an effort, people will take notice. I know you guys have it in you to be better and I want to bring it out instead of brining you down. So I altruistically attempted to show you that I care by cleaning up your mess as well.

It took me an entire day to do this. Times along the way I wanted to stop and leave a note saying that since I did 75% you guys need to clean the bathroom or this. But I figured I 1 man did what is really the responsibility of 4 then it would wake you guys up. I am holding you guys in high regard, because I’m usually not so patient and giving.

With that said I’ll digress into cunt mode. Here’s not what I ask but demand of you. AT THE LEAST clean shit that you use. Respect is earned, not given. I have shown you guys love and respect today. They say no good deed goes unpunished and well…I’m tired of being everyone’s bitch and maid.

After reading this don’t come to me and say that you don’t make this mess, or don’t do that. I don’t give a flying fuck who did it, nor am I concerned about figuring it out. This is not a Hardy Boys book, I don’t have time to figure out who the fuck made what mess. YOU KNOW WHAT MESS YOU’RE MAKING…STOP FUCKING DOING IT.

Since I don’t know who makes what mess, Peter will pay for Paul and Paul will pay for ALL. I know I don’t drink coffee, I know I wash my wares, I know I always fill the water bottle after using it, I know I always throw things IN the garbage (not AROUND or AT for those of us unfamiliar with prepositions). I know I turn off my PS2 and wrap the controllers after using it. I know that without rules and order in life chaos reigns.

If this place gets EVER gets untidy again I will fuck up your shit up. I suspect who’s been making what mess and haven’t been calling anyone out on it to save you the embarrassment. From here on out be warned:

If I see a pile of dishes in the sink that I know I didn’t create I will throw them like Frisbees into your room, more specifically in your bed hopefully while you’re sleeping. I swear on my grandfather’s grave I am not joking with youà piss all over the toilet and I will piss in your bed, I will throw your rotten food in with your clean clothes. I will do all of this with a big smile and absolute confidence. I’m not going to be a cunt about a few dishes in the sink or some stuff in the fridge, but when I see someone’s shit in the fridge for weeks getting rotten or a huge pile of dishes In the sink then I will be a cunt.

Make a sincere effort or else I will fuck your shit up…there are no if, ands or buts about this. I do not want to see this happened again. This is your first and ONLY warning you will ever get. You don’t need to come and tell me thank you. Tell me thank you by showing me you care; through actions, not words. If push comes to shove and we end up in a dirty place again don’t come crying when I fuck your shit up. Act like a man and I’ll treat you like one, act like an inconsiderate child and I’ll have to teach you a lesson.

With Love,

Patrick

Looking back I wish I had taken pictures of the "before" so you could really appreciate how much work I did. Oh well...there's won't be a next time. Here are a few more shots of my awesome work: