A good poker player is analogous to a confidant man who can game women. You need to approach things logically and not get caught up in what's at stake. That is to say, irrespective of whether she's a ten or a beer goggle beauty you need to advance things logically and not let your emotions lead you astray.
In both games I think success is determined by both luck and skill. Some days your hot, lady luck is on your side and you can use that glowing confidence to your advantage. When your on a roll, nobody can stop you. Other players are intimidated by your high stack (alpha male) status. Playing with confidence draws in for the big pots (9s/10s) while your overwhelming chip count (success and confidence) helps women gravitate toward you. Enjoy the it while it lasts.
Other times, the game will be cold and unforgiving...there's little you can do to change the hands your dealt. You can bluff your way through (liquid courage...aka alcohol), but more often than not people will see through your bullshit facade. In times of famine, ones low stack status (beta male / AFC) will lead to "all in" behavior or "tilt" as they call it in poker. The hit or miss hail Mary scenario where you drunk text, call too much, or the mother of them all: propose.
I've been playing both games for a while now, and though I'm no WSOP/PUA guru, I can tell you that you can't use cold cards as an excuse to stop playing the game or play irrationally. If you step back and look at the bigger picture, it'll become apparent that the outcome is not determined explicitly by the cards you're dealt but how you choose to play them.
You need to step up with confidence and know how to go about using your skills and attributes to your advantage. So you weren't born a Trump, Gates or Slim; you're not smooth like Don Juan or Casanova; and your intellect stems nowhere near that of Nietzsche, Kubrick or Einstein.
You may be none of these things but you are a goddamn man. A long time ago, not long after you were born into the world and became aware of the life around you. You had dreams, you had aspirations, you had an imagination of things you could accomplish and the cognitive innocence to believe nothing otherwise.
Some old Auntie who you'd never met, and wore too much makeup would come over, rub your cheeks with a gleeful smile and ask, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" And if you only had the vocabulary you have now, it would have been, "A motherfuckin' policeman." verbatim. You probably said a police man, or a pilot, of a fireman or something to that effect, because it those days you could have conquered the world and pwned Skeletor in the same day if you wanted.
Man, when you're young, you genuinely think you can accomplish whatever you want, be exactly who you want to be. Somewhere along the way life gets to you and you begin to think otherwise. When you're a child you are full of emotion and being brought up into a man you learn to hide them. I think a consequence of this action is the relationship between our emotions and aspirations. The feeling you'd get while being a bad ass ninja fuckin up crackheads with ninja stars. Being Rambo with nothing more than you're dads handkerchief and an imitation Nerf gun that shot ping pong balls cuz that shit was expensive.
The point is, I think a lot of success comes about by staying true to yourself and being aware of your strengths and weaknesses. Analyze what you are doing and study what gives you the best results. Like anything in life worth doing, you have to push yourself until you see a satisfactory result. The transition between child and adult is filled with a surplus of corporate hegemony and media saturation, trials and tribulations, naysayers that bring you down and many other problems that I and no one else could know better than you.
Because so much has changed in yourself between now and then, because the part of you that is still Alpha is directly proportional to what's left of Michael Jackson's nose - I have taken it upon myself to remind you as Blake in Glengarry Glen Ross would:
You have a big set of balls between your legs. Walk down the street with an air of confidence like you just arrived in the Ferrari, fucked Adriana Lima and won the Pulitzer Prize. Do what you have to do to give you that smile of assertion, that sanguine of seduction. Smile while talking to a girl knowing that in the end it really doesn't matter.
The game of dating is a universal conundrum. How do you choose to acquire your catch. Should the would be fisherman guide his passion via the experience and patience of the ol' rod and lure or enjoy his hobby redneck rambo style with a stick of dynamite to put the odds in his favor?
Dating a girl usually means you end up in one of two scenarios: trapped in the friend zone or hierarchized as something worth more among the plethora of other men she hangs about. The former means you start dating a girl and end up bating yourself as you become enrolled by infatuation and 'onenitis'. You compound your thought process debating whether to push further or step back. The divider between these two states is measured by your ability to walk the fine line of ambitious flirtation (good game) without looking needy in the process.
They say women are ones who become 'clingy'...emotionally attached. Some argue this from a genetic and evolutionary perspective. A woman may reproduce once every nine months while a man may spread his seed like a wildfire if he so chooses. Science has changed the name of the game and women of our generation can have sex as often as they like. Women are no longer clingy.
Women of this generation are quickly learning that they can control who and how many men they see and when the coital gates of heaven will be opened to the said wooer. Where as a woman 200 years ago would attach to man for physical, emotional, financial, and environmental security, the modern day woman trumps your he-man testosterone levels with the notion of independence.
This has trickled down as part of a larger issues dubbed "4th wave feminism". Though I would divulge into the idiosyncrasies that make up this sect, let's just say these are the type of girls that always let your calls go to voicemail and text message like the receptionist of yesteryear. They often must encompass these skills because they are dating several men at the same time. From the time things escalate they try calling the shots with the infamous "I don't know what I want right now." 
Men on the other hand fall in love several times every day; it happens on the subway as a beautiful woman boards your cart. Later again in the grocery aisle; while walking down the street; and later that night at a bar. Like an orchid they are captivating in a very unique way. Tomorrow will be the same as today, we cannot help but be memorized by such creations. Sculptures of flesh parading everywhere....it's a beautiful sight that you get so easily lost in. Such a feeling can only be attributed to love. Ah yes...we men are visual creatures caught in a genetic trap of optic stimulation that compounds the senses in a most awe-inspiring way. But...
Every once in a while a girl comes along who has the potential to be something more. Her words are full of small wisdom; her sentences idioms; and her silence a chance to catch your breath. You're not one to wear your heart on your sleeve but find it slipping away like a dog trying to catch it's own tail.
This viscous cycle has become a part of everyday life. Should one hunt for the kill or simply for the thrill of the hunt, i.e. 'greater' satisfaction. Ones hunger, in every sense of the word, will inevitably arise again, therefore it is paramount to know which form of pleasure brings you the greatest satisfaction.
To answer this you must determine your taste. You must be true to what gives you the most pleasure and in so doing brings about a sense of equilibrium, content, a feeling that lulls over you in a most unassuming manner. Do you seek sexual gratification or forgo such pleasure for emotional homeostasis? Finding the latter will often mean a Congo case of blue balls so prep your pr0n folder for the long haul.
The problem as a man is though instant gratification comes in both the physical and emotional forms we have been brought up to conceal such vulnerabilities. Instead we pursue the former as a more temporal means of appeasement, knowing that such pacification will allow us the strength and fight for it another day. Think of this recourse as being the road more taken; the route to temporal bliss so as to avoid the complication of cognitive solitude. Everyone needs love, but it's better to get your 'fix' in the moment then to sit idly wondering where to find the cure (aka tabanka)
Finding sex is easier...there will always be someone there. Finding love is always, in the very context of the feeling, putting yourself on a limb, at risk, open for exaltation. In a world of 6.6 billion people, it's a lonely feeling if you can't find another person to love you. No one wants to feel like a loser, so people close off to the expectation of finding it. You definitely don't want to find yourself becoming 'emo' in pursuit of an emotional connection you may never find. That said...I think that's why people play games. They're caught in this struggle between putting themselves out there (being vulnerable) or closing off (wearing a mask, distracting yourself with work, projects, drug/alcohol abuse) or hiding yourself (tons of makeup, fashion accessories, texting while walking down the street with big designer sunglesses) from the world.
Therefore, let us ask - should you let it go? Should you let your heart lead you astray with a woman? No, lessons of the past have taught you not to let go so easily. Everything about being a man is encapsulated by ones ability to control his feelings. A raging tornado of altruism and indifference constantly logisticizing what to show the world.
I say wear your heart in you chest, and pound it like an 800lbs gorilla screaming from the top of a building. If she's a true woman, she'll see somewhere behind the jungle of your mane, that buried deep below the hairy chest lies a heart in some shape or form (give her HD trailer like glimpses now and again to keep the tension and excitement.)
It's time for natural selection, all girls that don't fit the bill can hit 30, cut their hair and turn into cat lovers. It's time for men to awaken from their long slumber...I will speak more of this in my next installment. Until then go brush up your poker game.
So I've been thinking about stuff and i think need to be out there just racking up notches (as the DCB would say) for a bit. These 2 more years in grad school might actually be good for me. Its gonna be hard, or different at least and I'm kinda sorry that this experience happened so late...kinda wished i woke up 5 years ago...but im still young. The past five years haven't been a total waste though as i think i developed socially alot. Also, certain things are happening which i never though would have happened before. i am able to hold the attention of an entire room or crowd of people and lead in certain activities. Maybe this is because i am on average 2 years older than the college crowd but say what... its getting me attention from girls. I think this is one of the things that attracted her to me. Also, there was a turn around date were we kinda just limed as equals, though i took the lead when decisions were being made. After that she was txting me to hang out and it was obvious her interest was peaked. It was only when the time came for things to get physical that i screwed up. And I'm glad i did. There is a saying in capoeira that you learn 10x as much falling down as you do taking someone down.
Anyway, you were right in your blog that i cant just wait for things to happen. Also, i think I'm investing too much i just trying to date one girl i really like rather than a few that are so-so. This girl is still playing games but its ok. Im over it and moving on.
Get Em!
So one of my boys (I'll call him J) called me tonight about a girl problem. He's somewhat religious and quite passive when it comes to gaming women. I'm a bit worried about his future because he needs to wake up and start approaching women he likes instead of waiting for them to come to him.
He's been seeing this chick who's blatantly told him she's looking for no strings attached sex. Now while this may be a no brainer for most, he actually likes the girl. He hasn't told her this (thank God) and is caught between starting things on a sexual basis or waiting it out to see if the long term relationship is feasible. Now while he would prefer a relationship out of it, he has absolutely no issues with simply getting laid. Saint or not, he's a man with needs. (thank God x 2)
Over the weekend he got pretty far with this chick who unsurprisingly initiated all the physicality:
- She wanted to go back to his place to watch a movie (+10)
- She got "cold" and wanted to share a blanket (+5)
- They started kissing (+10)
- She mounted him. (+100)
- She grabbed his hands and placed them on her babylons. (+1000)
At this point there's no doubt...she wants the ultra piggalicks combo
...nothing can go wrong...my boy is going to tap that ass left, right, and center. All he need do is start taking off her clothes and exploring her body IE start taking charge. Well, somehow she managed to fall off of him, don't ask me how.As one would expect, everything went downhill from that point on. He tried to rekindle the heat of the moment but it was too little too late, the mood was lost; she said it was getting late and left.
Since then she's been hitting him one liners and is "unusually" busy. While he's replaying the scene wondering where it all went wrong she strokes her ego letting his calls go to voice mail. What happened? He hesitated...he hesitated because he thought sex might void any opportunity for a relationship with this girl.
As hard as it is to say this, my friend is exhibiting the traits and sensibilities of a beta. Whereas an Alpha would have capitalized on the opportunity presented to him concerning himself with long term propositions only AFTER satisfying his desires, a beta attempts to rationalize the situation. He does not understand the chaos and confusion that is the female mind! If a girl isn't looking for a relationship nothing you say is going to convince her otherwise. Now instead of penetrating wet vagina he's back to beating his dick silly.
Women are complicated creatures that over-think, over-analyze and confuffle themselves. They are good at things like multitasking for the very same reason they are crazy...the can entertain 10-12 thoughts at any one time. It's impossible to correlate why a women did or didn't want to have sex. As such, there's no sense in looking back wondering why...you just need to strike while the iron is hot. Concern yourself with emotional matters afterward...the fact that you managed to get her to initiate sex means that you're long past earning her trust, and have managed to build sexual tension.
After analyzing his situation I began to ponder why she was so forceful and urgent in trying to seduce him in the first place. It's possible she could have just been a slut. Now, although this could be true, being the timid saint he is, J's not the kind of guy to knowingly go after the village bicycle.
More realistically she could have been a horny girl that fell for his lack of game. Lack of game you say? Well think about it: while she was putting out all the signs for him chase her, the poor guy never picked up on them. His lack of interest must have drove her nuts. Instead of J putting in the effort that she expected and is used to, he accidentally flipped the script..forcing her to commit to him if she indeed wanted the gratification of knowing that she's an object of desire. Besides jealousy, attention starvation is one the prime things that will drive a girl nuts.
Poor guy....he should have escalated things while the her panties were wet. Being the passive and inexperienced guy that he is, J made the mistake of relinquishing control when he should have taken charge. Every woman wants to be seduced, not be the seducer...at least not all the way in. He should cut his loses and move on.
His only alternative is playing the jealousy card to elevate his social status. Jealousy is a very powerful emotion. Nothing makes a girl go ape shit faster than seeing a guy she likes out with a girl just as attractive if not more than herself. The intent here is to show that you're fun and desired, making her feel like she gave up a good catch. Girls pull this shit on guys all the time, so it's fun to beat them at their own game. You always want what you can't have or think you can't have.
What happens now? It's doubtful he'll be able to grab her back...I think he's already in the friend zone. She's already obtained the emotional validation she's been seeking. Moreover, the tables have turned; evident in the fact that he's been trying to contact her more than he usually would. He shouldn't stroke her ego by calling her. Let it go and and next time don't stick, learn from this experience and move on-always more fish in the sea.
As a Trinidadian male in his twenties living in New York, I make it my business to get out and meet women. Pussy is a powerful thing: strong enough to force me out of the comfort of my warm room, possibly shave, throw on some good threads and hit the cold, expensive, unforgiving, concrete jungle known as the city. All in the prospect of tail...or maybe, though unlikely, someone girlfriend worthy.
Women in NY are completely different to those in Trinidad. The likelihood of an arbitrary lay in Trinidad is as realistic as Manning's vision 2020. It'll take your typical middle income 'beta' male months, if not years in some cases, to get into a Trini girl's panties. After months of the same old shit (Zen, 51, Morvino, Movie Towne etc) the poor son of a bitch will have nothing more than an empty wallet and an elephantiasis sized case of blue balls to show for it. His aspiring conquest will end in gross dissapointment, the prospect of vagina nothing more than a frugal dream. Left with only a Sunday Punch and Palmela to comfort him he'll once again cry himself to sleep wondering where it all went wrong.
Take the same guy and throw him in NY, perk up his style, teach him some game and he'll be rackin' 'em up. Most women in NY are nothing more than a WYSIWYG plethora of makeup, Louis Vuitton and broken goods funded by daddy's credit card. Instant gratification is the name of the game and if you play your cards right you'll come out a winner. Play'em wrong and they'll suck you dry for all your worth financially and emotionally.
The emphasis on conservative Catholic and Hindu religious traditions in Trinidad has reinforced the notion of: "make him wait". Logic like that will turn your potential nice guy boyfriend from:
into
The socialite logic for these girls is one of 'brakesin' d bull', as we say back home. Trinidad is too small too be promiscuous; your slutty reputation will get you known as the village bicycle faster than you can say Dana Alleyne.
If you've lived in Trinidad for most of your life, you've come to terms with the fact that you'll see the same fucking people at the same fucking places week after week, year after year until you die. Think Bill Murray in Groundhog Day except with no sex.
Despite being Trinidadian, I'm often taken for your typical American dude. Needless to say my accent has assisted in establishing the divider. Openers are helpful for any situation when approaching a woman but often irrelevant if she hears my voice. It's a nice ace in the hole that has procured numerous nights of
This is all well and good of course, but grows increasingly trite when searching for a woman of substance. Most NY women I've met are corporate driven slaves. So caught up in a mans world and rising to the top they forget what it is to be a real woman. The rat race comes at a price as they abandon their feminine sensibilities and replace courtship with happy hour and eHarmony.com. In like manner, desirable traits and skills like cooking and cleaning, are acutely and conveniently labeled as the sexist expectations of a misogynistic pig.
The other half are emotional shipwrecks. The pump and dumps who's past relationships have left them in shambles. They're so busy compensating with huge Prada sunglasses, eyeliner and blush they forget to fix the real problem. When it comes time to get to know them, conversation is often dull and hollow leaving little to be desired, much less a second date.
I feel no sympathy for women swayed into bed by the exotic nature of a foreign voice and some travel stories. Shit, she's enjoying the sex as much as me and at the worst gets a good story to tell her friends. If anything I commend American girls for giving it up as compared to snobby, spoiled, trini girls. I praise them for at least thinking for themselves. Edit: they let the O.C., Sex and the City, Vogue and MTV do that. But hey, as crazy and fucked up as city girls are, at least they put out. As beautiful and wife worthy as Trini girls can be, too many are anal about sex.
Even if it's for all the wrong reasons I can't help but prefer these City girls, at least for now. Shit, I'll pretend my name is Carlos and blurt arbitrary phrases in Spanish like, "No pantalones danza en me casa, ahora, ahora!!" if that's what gets me laid. Does it bother me? Fuck no. In a world of burgers, pizza and tacos I'm the callaloo, the exotic outsider that offers so much prospect. I'm that breath of fresh air she's been waiting for in a city of guidos, emos, meatheads and posers. I'm the worldly traveler full of class and culture. As the infamous DCB might put it, I'm winning the game of life.
