D Melting Pot

The game of dating is a universal conundrum. How do you choose to acquire your catch. Should the would be fisherman guide his passion via the experience and patience of the ol' rod and lure or enjoy his hobby redneck rambo style with a stick of dynamite to put the odds in his favor?

Dating a girl usually means you end up in one of two scenarios: trapped in the friend zone or hierarchized as something worth more among the plethora of other men she hangs about. The former means you start dating a girl and end up bating yourself as you become enrolled by infatuation and 'onenitis'. You compound your thought process debating whether to push further or step back. The divider between these two states is measured by your ability to walk the fine line of ambitious flirtation (good game) without looking needy in the process.

They say women are ones who become 'clingy'...emotionally attached. Some argue this from a genetic and evolutionary perspective. A woman may reproduce once every nine months while a man may spread his seed like a wildfire if he so chooses. Science has changed the name of the game and women of our generation can have sex as often as they like. Women are no longer clingy.

Women of this generation are quickly learning that they can control who and how many men they see and when the coital gates of heaven will be opened to the said wooer. Where as a woman 200 years ago would attach to man for physical, emotional, financial, and environmental security, the modern day woman trumps your he-man testosterone levels with the notion of independence.

This has trickled down as part of a larger issues dubbed "4th wave feminism". Though I would divulge into the idiosyncrasies that make up this sect, let's just say these are the type of girls that always let your calls go to voicemail and text message like the receptionist of yesteryear. They often must encompass these skills because they are dating several men at the same time. From the time things escalate they try calling the shots with the infamous "I don't know what I want right now." Every time I hear this line my bullshit alarm starts goes off. Every woman knows she wants to fall in love, it's their greatest aspiration and desire. I look at is as an excuse to have guys tag along on a ride called embellish me.

Men on the other hand fall in love several times every day; it happens on the subway as a beautiful woman boards your cart. Later again in the grocery aisle; while walking down the street; and later that night at a bar. Like an orchid they are captivating in a very unique way. Tomorrow will be the same as today, we cannot help but be memorized by such creations. Sculptures of flesh parading everywhere....it's a beautiful sight that you get so easily lost in. Such a feeling can only be attributed to love. Ah yes...we men are visual creatures caught in a genetic trap of optic stimulation that compounds the senses in a most awe-inspiring way. But...

Every once in a while a girl comes along who has the potential to be something more. Her words are full of small wisdom; her sentences idioms; and her silence a chance to catch your breath. You're not one to wear your heart on your sleeve but find it slipping away like a dog trying to catch it's own tail.

This viscous cycle has become a part of everyday life. Should one hunt for the kill or simply for the thrill of the hunt, i.e. 'greater' satisfaction. Ones hunger, in every sense of the word, will inevitably arise again, therefore it is paramount to know which form of pleasure brings you the greatest satisfaction.

To answer this you must determine your taste. You must be true to what gives you the most pleasure and in so doing brings about a sense of equilibrium, content, a feeling that lulls over you in a most unassuming manner. Do you seek sexual gratification or forgo such pleasure for emotional homeostasis? Finding the latter will often mean a Congo case of blue balls so prep your pr0n folder for the long haul.

The problem as a man is though instant gratification comes in both the physical and emotional forms we have been brought up to conceal such vulnerabilities. Instead we pursue the former as a more temporal means of appeasement, knowing that such pacification will allow us the strength and fight for it another day. Think of this recourse as being the road more taken; the route to temporal bliss so as to avoid the complication of cognitive solitude. Everyone needs love, but it's better to get your 'fix' in the moment then to sit idly wondering where to find the cure (aka tabanka)

Finding sex is easier...there will always be someone there. Finding love is always, in the very context of the feeling, putting yourself on a limb, at risk, open for exaltation. In a world of 6.6 billion people, it's a lonely feeling if you can't find another person to love you. No one wants to feel like a loser, so people close off to the expectation of finding it. You definitely don't want to find yourself becoming 'emo' in pursuit of an emotional connection you may never find. That said...I think that's why people play games. They're caught in this struggle between putting themselves out there (being vulnerable) or closing off (wearing a mask, distracting yourself with work, projects, drug/alcohol abuse) or hiding yourself (tons of makeup, fashion accessories, texting while walking down the street with big designer sunglesses) from the world.

Therefore, let us ask - should you let it go? Should you let your heart lead you astray with a woman? No, lessons of the past have taught you not to let go so easily. Everything about being a man is encapsulated by ones ability to control his feelings. A raging tornado of altruism and indifference constantly logisticizing what to show the world.

I say wear your heart in you chest, and pound it like an 800lbs gorilla screaming from the top of a building. If she's a true woman, she'll see somewhere behind the jungle of your mane, that buried deep below the hairy chest lies a heart in some shape or form (give her HD trailer like glimpses now and again to keep the tension and excitement.)

It's time for natural selection, all girls that don't fit the bill can hit 30, cut their hair and turn into cat lovers. It's time for men to awaken from their long slumber...I will speak more of this in my next installment. Until then go brush up your poker game.

I decided to clean the entire apartment today by the following (in order of importance):

1. I am a neat person and the place was getting out of hand
2. My parents are due to arrive in NY tonight
3. I was in a good mood and had the time

After completion I proceeded to write my room mates a 3 page letter. It contained the following:

Hey Guys,

While you were gone I had some spare time and noticed the place was in a mess so I decided to Spring Clean as they would say:

• Washed all Dishes
• Cleaned Stove
• Reorganized and Cleaned Fridge
• Bathroom, Toilet, Shower, Mirrors
• Cleaned all Windows
• Swept all rooms
• Mopped all rooms + bathroom with bleach
• Made up beds
• Reorganized Living Room
• Cleaned/Organized Desks
• Reorganized all cupboards

The reason I did all this is because I want to show you guys that I’m concerned about the space we live in, not just my section but the entire space since it affects all of us. I look at you guys like younger brothers; as such I wanted to teach you responsibility and cleanliness through positive reinforcement.

I noticed a few days before you all left that the sink was full of dishes so I made the effort to wash them all. I know it’s hard to wash a plate or glass when the sink is so full because the fossit can’t reach et al. Washing them didn’t bother me, it’s somewhat therapeutic in fact to take time and clean something…gives you a sense of fulfillment that you’ve done some good…not only for yourself but others as well.

What did bother me however was no more than a couple days later the sink was full of dishes once again. I thought to myself, “If everyone would just wash their dishes we wouldn’t have to deal with this mess so often.” I mentally refused to wash the dishes as I hadn’t made the mess. I thought to myself I will faster put the dishes in the tub or in everyone’s room before I wash them so people start being proactive about cleanliness around here. In this way EVERYONE would be affected and would start pulling their weight.

As the days went by with everyone gone for Spring Break I was alone in 1706. I started cleaning my room because my parents would be coming in a few days. A few days had passed and the dishes began to smell really bad so I was forced to wash them once again. It just wouldn’t be acceptable to have my parents or a friend here with the kitchen and living room in such a smelly mess. One thing led to another and I found myself reorganizing the cupboards, sweeping the living room, the bedroom and so forth until I decided that I was going to spring clean the entire apartment.

I believe that anything worth doing is worth doing well. I believe in taking pride in anything I do and leading by example. With that said I expect you to maintain the clean environment which I have procured for us today. Let me repeat: irrespective of tennis, the gym, class, studies, going out, eating, drinking, shitting, and sleeping I expect you to maintain the clean environment which I have so thoughtfully provided for all of us.

I didn’t have to do any of this, but did because I wanted to set an example. I wanted to show you guys that if you put in an effort, people will take notice. I know you guys have it in you to be better and I want to bring it out instead of brining you down. So I altruistically attempted to show you that I care by cleaning up your mess as well.

It took me an entire day to do this. Times along the way I wanted to stop and leave a note saying that since I did 75% you guys need to clean the bathroom or this. But I figured I 1 man did what is really the responsibility of 4 then it would wake you guys up. I am holding you guys in high regard, because I’m usually not so patient and giving.

With that said I’ll digress into cunt mode. Here’s not what I ask but demand of you. AT THE LEAST clean shit that you use. Respect is earned, not given. I have shown you guys love and respect today. They say no good deed goes unpunished and well…I’m tired of being everyone’s bitch and maid.

After reading this don’t come to me and say that you don’t make this mess, or don’t do that. I don’t give a flying fuck who did it, nor am I concerned about figuring it out. This is not a Hardy Boys book, I don’t have time to figure out who the fuck made what mess. YOU KNOW WHAT MESS YOU’RE MAKING…STOP FUCKING DOING IT.

Since I don’t know who makes what mess, Peter will pay for Paul and Paul will pay for ALL. I know I don’t drink coffee, I know I wash my wares, I know I always fill the water bottle after using it, I know I always throw things IN the garbage (not AROUND or AT for those of us unfamiliar with prepositions). I know I turn off my PS2 and wrap the controllers after using it. I know that without rules and order in life chaos reigns.

If this place gets EVER gets untidy again I will fuck up your shit up. I suspect who’s been making what mess and haven’t been calling anyone out on it to save you the embarrassment. From here on out be warned:

If I see a pile of dishes in the sink that I know I didn’t create I will throw them like Frisbees into your room, more specifically in your bed hopefully while you’re sleeping. I swear on my grandfather’s grave I am not joking with youà piss all over the toilet and I will piss in your bed, I will throw your rotten food in with your clean clothes. I will do all of this with a big smile and absolute confidence. I’m not going to be a cunt about a few dishes in the sink or some stuff in the fridge, but when I see someone’s shit in the fridge for weeks getting rotten or a huge pile of dishes In the sink then I will be a cunt.

Make a sincere effort or else I will fuck your shit up…there are no if, ands or buts about this. I do not want to see this happened again. This is your first and ONLY warning you will ever get. You don’t need to come and tell me thank you. Tell me thank you by showing me you care; through actions, not words. If push comes to shove and we end up in a dirty place again don’t come crying when I fuck your shit up. Act like a man and I’ll treat you like one, act like an inconsiderate child and I’ll have to teach you a lesson.

With Love,

Patrick

Looking back I wish I had taken pictures of the "before" so you could really appreciate how much work I did. Oh well...there's won't be a next time. Here are a few more shots of my awesome work: